It sure has been a long time since I've been here. Seems like forever.

Funny how things cycle though.  Last time I posted we had just lost the children that were placed in our home for adoption.  We had sworn off that particular portion of our lives, turning away with broken hearts.  We were also getting ready to move.

Irony of it - we have moved, yet again, to the east and are beginning our training classes to get back in to foster/adopt services.  Daniel and I just can't seem to get this off our hearts - like we're missing something if we aren't doing it.  Training begins on this upcoming Monday.  I can't help but wonder what the Lord has in store for us - which children will come through our doors this time and what their little hearts will need, aside from the love of Jesus.

I have another blog that I'm keeping up for family alone, but sometimes family just doesn't need to hear certain things.  Not that any of our family would intentionally hurt us, but they just don't see some of our choices as "sound".  Homeschooling is among those choices.  At this point, after ten years, they've merely accepted the fact, but still don't understand our hearts on the matter.  Nor do they fully support it.  I don't need their approval - they don't have to live my life for me, but support would be nice.  But I suppose it's better to separate family from these types of things.  Foster care....  Another of those things that they simply can't seem to comprehend.  And the thought of adoption - whoa!!!  Their thoughts are - we've got our hands full with the two we already have, why would we want someone else's problems?  Ya see, I need to come here, to a semi-private place, to vent the hurt, share the victories, lift up the praises on all those things I just can't share otherwise.

Friends, my heart aches for these children.  And I get so angry at the adult counterparts.  It's difficult to put aside a personal feeling and not want to shake these parents like Shrek shook Princess Fiona and say "wake up fool, don't you see what you've been given!?!?".  But it wouldn't do any good if I did, because they don't see the wrong in it.  It's especially difficult for me, personally.  I made so many mistakes with our oldest (I know, don't we all?  Not like this, trust me!) and after our youngest we made the decision (without the Lord's input) to shut down the baby factory.  A tubal ligation that was eventually reversed, but another [biological] child has never come.  And my thoughts carry me away to all the what if's.  Once I realized who the Lord wanted me to be, I wanted all of His greatest blessings - and I wonder if it was my doing for the childbearing season to be done so early.  So, for me, like a lost puppy dog, I want to keep each one that comes through our home.  Do I do it to satisfy the longing? perhaps making-up for the mistakes I've made along the way? but is it wrong when what I'm doing is giving them the love they deserve, regardless?  Guiding them in the ways of the Lord?  We've seen miracles happen with these kiddos when Jesus and the love He gives all is taught.

We heard it said in the very first training class we went to - if your own kids are not on board it won't work.  I think we've taken for granted that we're the parents and what we say goes - we're going to open our home up to orphaned children and that's that.  However, recently I've met another mother whose experience has not been so easy.  She and her husband are doing the same thing as we've done for the past ten years, but their children are not "on board" and therefore the experience has been less than pleasant.  Our girls are asking begging us to do this again.  We thought about not doing it when we moved out east, but the girls have persuaded us otherwise.  The one thing we don't want to happen is for them to get lost.  It is most definitely true, the children that come into our home (via the state) require many more resources.  More love, more attention, more time... and rightfully so, they've been left to themselves with no one to love them, no attention paid to them at all - in some cases left completely alone to fend for themselves, no time spent with them at all - let alone quality time.  But in the midst of it all, sometimes we take for granted that our girls have already had it all and they, unfortunately, get "left-overs".  I don't want that to happen this time.  If the mix is good, it's easy.  When the mix isn't what it's suppose to be - waters can get rough.  And I fully understand the dynamic of these two were given to us first.

Hope you're having a great day, friends!

xoxo

They thought piling in the leaves was the best!